******Since I first posted this I have come to the realisation that I have a very different understanding of what love is. So some clarification before you read what is bellow. Love is proactive. There are going to be a lot of hard things that you have todo and find solutions for. Love sticks it out while also setting healthy boundaries and knowing that there might come a time when you have to love them from afar because they need treatment and you have to keep the other people in your home including yourself safe. Love does NOT mean you tolerate abuse, EVER. Love does not mean that the person you are loving will choose todo what is right, EVER. Even if you do everything right, and do every needful and good thing, that person might not change. That doesn’t mean that you stop loving that person. It just means that that relationship might not look what others think love looks like. Please keep that in mind as you read what is bellow.******
Having been a foster parent for years, I’d like to say I think any good person could be a foster parent. Not a perfect person, but a good person. Any good person who knows how to love and are willing to seek guidance from professionals and the Lord can be a foster parent. That doesn’t mean its what they’re meant to do, but they are capable.
I’ve had a lot of people tell me why they couldn’t be a foster parent. These people say things like “I could never foster, I’d get to attached”, “I couldn’t handle all the stress”, “I’d be afraid of dealing with the birth family” or “My heart would break”. All of these things are valid concerns. Believe it or not most foster parents deal with these things and I know there are many who question wether or not they are up for all of the things that go along with foster parenting. I know I have doubted my capabilities.
What I want to tell people who desire to foster children (and what I tell myself) is to be brave. I want to tell you that your concerns, while valid, are coming from a place of fear. If you can just be brave enough to willing give your heart to a child, despite the fact that it will be broken, you can be a foster parent. If you can be brave enough to trust Heavenly Father’s plan for you and your children, even when you think you can see a better way, you can be a foster parent. Yes it will be hard, but you can do hard things. You can be a foster parent!
I am a foster adoption advocate and would love to share this graphic and promote your blog on Twitter. Is that OK?
Hi! Thanks for wanting to promote my blog. I sent you an e-mail.
Parenting a child in foster care in not the same as parenting a child to whom you have given birth. Training provides you with tools and challenges you to grow and develop so you can parent children who have been neglected and abused. While you may have previous parenting experience, parenting children who have been neglected and abused is different.
You’re right. There are definitely differences. That is why training is important and they make sure you have it before kids are placed in your home. I know some people are annoyed about the training a person has to do to relicense each year but I love it.
During this time, do as much research as you can about the types of issues foster children will have. Some come into the system abused — sexually, mentally and physically — and this presents serious issues for the both the foster youth and parents.
Yep, research is great. I highly recommend it. Research lots of sights, not just the ones the agencies or their therapists refer you too. I especially recommend researching Reactive Attachment Disorder as most agencies seem to sweep this one under the table.